Kinky is as kinky does

Strictly speaking this is a blog about my current dating experiences, but I feel compelled to share a few other stories from my past here and there which can only be described as very odd. This may lead to you draw the conclusion that I am a weirdo magnet (it takes one to know one so they say) and it’s probably true, but these are simply too good to be kept in the closet, so here is one particularly brief but true story (Barumba! But this little joke won’t pay off till you’ve read to the end).

In my 20s I dated a nice young chap with good prospects who my mum adored. He was OK looking, had a good income and drove a very nice car. Oh say no more, except that I’m always suspicious of guys my mum likes. Anyway, cut to the chase, he invited me away for the weekend and paid for us to stay in a swanky hotel in a cool little city not far away, separate rooms of course, and as ever mum was pleased. Once at the hotel we made plans to go out that evening and went to get changed, he came to collect me from my room early to go to dinner and as usual I wasn’t ready, so he hung out in my room watching telly while I finished off my make up in the bathroom. Fair enough, nothing kinky here, so off we went for a really expensive meal followed by drinks and dancing at the nightclub. Lovely.

I was having a great night and was starting to warm to the idea of going out with a proper boyfriend who was charming and polite and bought flowers and opened doors etc etc I mean what a novelty? Maybe Mum was right after all? Anyway at about 2am Mr.Smooth leans in and kisses me and asks me if I’m having a nice night? “Yes” says I (weak at the knees) “Good” says he “Because by the way, I’m wearing your knickers…” “I’m sorry what was that? It’s so loud in here that I could have sworn you said I’m wearing your knickers ha ha!” “I am” said he and matter of factly pulled down his waistband and flashed me, my own, plain, white, Marks and Spencer cotton knickers with a little satin bow at the front. “I’ve been wearing them all night.” he said with a cat’s got the cream smile. Ding dong weirdo alert. Oh shit, one of them again. I didn’t really know what to say, one of the few times in my life I’ve been stunned into silence. So OK he was a bit kinky obviously, he’d rummaged through my bag, stolen my knickers and put them on while I was getting ready. But the thing that always tickles me is that he didn’t pick any of the sexy little, black offerings I had stashed away in the bag but the boring old workaday white knickers. I mean if you’re gonna do it, do it in style right?

Needless to say he got the elbow pretty quickly. I mean I don’t want a guy who literally wants to get in my knickers! When I got home and told my mum, who let’s face it was secretly a little bit disappointed that Mr.Smooth had stuffed up, she valiantly countered with “well at least he wasn’t wearing your bra as well”. Yes Mother…. I kid you not.

marilyn and toni

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