So I’m back from my holidays and Javier Bardem didn’t show. Sigh. Neither did Mr.Right, Mr.OK for now, Mr.Holiday Romance or Mr.Just A Quickie. Double sigh. Although I did meet another 27 year old… what is it with that age? He was very cute and nice but we know what happens with those, so no, I didn’t go there (see Horny Young Things post). Although on the plus side I did have a crazy night on the tiles with a bearded Spanish ballroom dancer who spun me round like a spinning top!
Oh well you can’t have everything…. eh? I would love to have come back with a happy ever after. I wanted a holiday that would help me get over a major heartbreak and maybe if I was really, really lucky, help me find new love. Call me naive, but I call it romantic optimism. Well whatever it is, I didn’t fall in love that’s for sure (and I was on the lookout, eyes wide open) instead I got a fantastic trip, met some great people, ate lots of amazingly delicious food, saw some wonderful sights and did what I really do best…shopping! But something did happen to help heal my battered heart, although I was in good company all the time (mostly couples) I pretty much spent three weeks on my own and whats more I found that I liked it. I suppose I decided that I actually like me, just as I am. Solo. And the fact that I went on my own made me realise that I’m far braver that I think I am. You go girlfriend!
So when I got back I closed down my online dating profile. And that’s the way it’s going to be for awhile. I didn’t find love but I found me and believe me she’s been lost for a while. I realised that rushing around looking for love everywhere, doesn’t will it into being or make it come any faster and making room in your life for someone who doesn’t yet exist isn’t helpful either. So now I’m going to fill up all the little gaps in my time with other stuff and stop waiting. Because I’m tired of the game and waiting and looking is so painful. Instead I’ll spend some time on me, because now I know that being on my own isn’t that bad..
Not that I won’t be posting, because I have plenty more gems to share, but for now I am taking a rest from the rollercoaster of online dating at least. For once I actually feel at peace with that term ‘single’ and with the fact that I can just be. And yes I do still talk to myself out loud, but as my Grandad used to say I’m only talking to the most intelligent person in the room.