Kiss and tell

So I was watching TV the other night and I figured something out, and this may seem pretty basic, but it really is all in the kiss. It was an episode of New Girl and the guy in it who’s a bit wishy-washy and backwards about coming forwards kisses the lead girl and suddenly both she and I saw him in a whole new light. It was a kiss epiphany, a big screen version, all force and passion, perfectly executed and delivered with longing and something bordering on obsession. No sloppiness, no fumbling, no hesitation. I just sat there and went wow that’s it! Any guy who can kiss a girl like that has the world in his pocket. Because don’t we all want to be swept off our feet at least once by that stop-the-traffic kiss?

Well I’ve been lucky and unlucky enough to experience both. In fact back in school we had a shorthand for the kind of shocking, messy, clumsy encounters we had to put up with from the opposite sex. First there was The Washing Machine, a boy who put his tongue in your mouth and goes round and round and round, not exactly fun and a bit too mechanical to be remotely sexy. Then there was The Wet Fish, who as you can probably guess, would flop his tongue into your mouth like a weak handshake and just leave it lying there like a slug, yuck, what are you supposed to do with that? And not forgetting The Sink Plunger who liked you so much he really, really wanted to know what you had for lunch, steady on a girl needs some air! OK so perhaps we were a bit harsh on the boys back then but sometimes they deserved it. It seems there is an art to kissing and some clever men have learned the secret.

Since my awkward teenage adventures I’ve had lots of lovely kissers who’ve been sensitive, passionate and tender, but still nothing quite compares to experiencing that wham-bam moment when you’re felled by The Big Kiss. So let me blow off the cobwebs on my two personal memories and recap how it goes….  it/he should steal up on you when you least expect it with speed and firmness, the kiss should be passionate, confident, led by him and leave you breathless. If the guy delivering the kiss couples his big move with fingers through your hair and some face cupping/holding, well then he’s pretty much sealed the deal. Finally the all-consuming moment should finish on a smoochy note as he disengages with a softness which leaves you dizzy and disheveled. Now that is a kiss. See even a frog can turn into a prince with a gift like that …the kiss

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