If there is one thing that really bloody annoys me about being single it’s that a) everyone has an opinion on my status and b) everyone has a fricking crystal ball.
If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times, always delivered with a knowing nod and a smile “When you stop looking for love it’ll find you” or the other version “When you least expect it, it will turn up.” Having a smug married or coupled person spout this out to you just makes it all the more painful. Really? Why, thanks very much for clearing that one up for me. I can relax now right? That’s been a big help, I was obviously in the dark before you dished out your sage words. So let me get this straight if I just stop looking, hoping, wanting, wishing, and waiting then bam! just like that a stranger will arrive from somewhere. Well if only you had told me this 18 months ago I would have changed tack and not bothered with the speed dating, online dating, bar hopping and joining groups and clubs malarkey? I would have just stayed at home and watched TV, which incidentally is what I’m doing right now. Same result though. Note to self: must try harder to stop looking when walking down the street, driving, shopping, exercising anything really. Must look at pavement at all times and be totally disinterested in all males.
Honestly, I’m seconds away from slapping every person who says this to me (and there are a lot) because I find it extremely patronizing and bloody, bloody annoying. Why? Because actually my life isn’t a cutesy, throwaway Hallmark saying, and I do try to be busy and engaged. They don’t ever stop to think that I might actually be very sad about my state of affairs and the fact that I can’t change it? That I might be more upset than I ever care to let on? That I might cry sometimes because I’m so lonely? So I don’t need some clever dick telling me to get on with it ‘cos there’s a magic ticket just waiting round the next corner (they should give up the day job and become fortune tellers). They probably don’t even remember or have never experienced being properly alone.
And then there’s the “Ohh, you shouldn’t still be single”, “But why? You’re a catch” or “You should have been snapped up by now”. Again thanks. Obviously I’ve been missing something important again. It’s meant as a compliment but it comes over like a personal assault. Are you saying that I’m really unlucky in love? Or that I’m not trying hard enough? Or perhaps there’s a flat battery in that crystal ball of yours if I’m still here hanging around? Maybe you got it wrong the first time (shudder to think) and simply ‘not looking’ isn’t the answer after all? Maybe love doesn’t find everyone. Maybe love lost the map to my heart?
Puzzling isn’t it? Rant over and breathe……