Well I got my answer and a big serve of what I deserve… waiting it seems is a fool’s game. Since I last shared I’ve ridden a rollercoaster only to end up right back where I started. I’ve been treated bad and let down but it’s a familiar road to me now. The ex triumphed in the end. Again.
Romance is dead and even though for a while I was Sleepless in Christchurch, there was no boy meets girl, happily ever after.
I’ve been lying low, re-stitching my seams and wondering what’s the point? Being honest, being true to your feelings, getting up just to get slapped down again and again. Am I supposed to be learning a lesson? Huh! In which case the lesson can only be never love, never trust, never dare to hope. It’s not worth it for all the pain.
But then tonight I put on some cheesy old school crooners while I had a bath and a good cry and I listened to those golden, heartfelt lyrics from a time when men were men and women were breathless and smitten. It was all so seductive and I realised that I can remember why it’s all worth it. It’s that feeling you get when there’s someone there to share your day with, to kiss, to hug, to hold hands, to share food and laughter, it’s simply to love and be loved. And I may be disappointed and sour right now but there’s a flicker there. You know what? It cheered me up that little optimistic bubble in my stomach.
So I’ll hold my chin up high because at least I tried right? I don’t wake up thinking what if? I stood up, was counted and tried to raise my flag. As the Gershwin song goes “we may never, never meet again on this bumpy road to love, still I’ll always, always keep the memory of…” in my case the way his hand shook when I held it.
I guess the lesson is you can take the girl out of the romance but you can’t take the romance out of the girl. Peace out x