It’s been my turn on the big wheel since September last year when the Universe started dealing me duds. As chronicled here I fell for two guys in a row who led me on and then unceremoniously dropped me “Miss Kitty I really do think you’re amazing but… I love my ex-wife” they both cried. Huh you don’t say? Coulda told me sooner.
I’ve been in a vacuum for 3 months going over and over every twist and turn of these two chapters, but dare I say, I think my bumpy ride on the wheel is ending. Karma is rebalancing my little world. Firstly my lovelorn Beardie is finally sorting out his life toxins and getting counselling, he sent an email saying he was sorry and that his apologies must “feel empty and never ending”. Secondly I confronted Mr.Twisted about a lack of communication for his appalling treatment of me last year and a few nasty emails this year. To my surprise I got a full and sincere apology, wishing he could take back the hurt because I have “an incredible spirit and I deserve only the best..”
They both took me down to the very bottom in their own way, and they both deserve a poo cake, but I can’t hold a grudge, I carried them on my back for too long. Time is finally doing its thing and I can’t imagine how I ever got into these situations? Like the Taylor Swift line “I’ve been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end” I spent so long and so much energy trying to fix them that I forgot myself.
And someone has found me instead, how amazing is that? I mean yes I’ve been ‘disaster’ dating again and getting out, but when I wasn’t looking he snuck up on me online and sent me a hug, then a wink and finally a message. And he’s lovely, gorgeous and funny. Probably too good to be true, but it’s nice to be liked, at least for now. It’s that awkwardly wonderful time when we’re dancing shyly round each other, trying to get a handle, asking millions of questions. We exist in fifty seven messages online and a handful of pictures. He’s working abroad and lives in a different city but there is a promise of a phone call and hearing each others voices on his return. So the handbrakes are on and we’re going slow but I’m scared and excited all at once, frightened to jump in and start swimming again, but I want to.
So my question to the Universe is: If I’ve finally let them both go and Iearned my lesson, is he my first big test?